This post has been with me all year. It became real in August, when I held my baby girl for the first time and felt the life flowing between us as she nursed for the first, second, third, fourth times. As her father held her in the waking hours of the dawn humming hymns in the hospital room. She came from darkness into light, from loneliness into fellowship with us and the creation, and eventually, we pray each day, the Creator.
It became more real in October, when we came to church one morning to hear that a great friend had left us for Heaven. It is real now every day, every moment that we remember him. Each time Husband looks at his IM at work or visits the gym, each time we see his precious family, now especially with his notable, "March madness." There isn't a day that goes by without us mourning his departure.
All this to say that Easter is different for me this year. Maundy Thursday and Good Friday are darker. I've had a tiny, tiny, glimpse of the disciple's experience: to lose a friend, to say goodbye is hard enough. This doesn't even address when it must have been like for them. But it helps me to meditate in that way when I consider the sacrifice of my Christ. When I read Pink's blog and remember how Brent was and that he is gone, and then magnify that as far as my mind can go, to consider how Christ must have been, and what He did for us is truly beyond my mortal frame.
And when I think of Resurrection, of emerging from the darkness of death and into life, like my little Heidi this sweet year, it also takes new meaning as well. I have been reborn, and someday will be glorified. We will emerge from the darkness, we will bask in Christ's presence and be made new. There will be no more crying and no more pain. His grace was sufficient. His gift, eternal.
Something to mourn; something to celebrate. I have a feeling that Easter will become deeper, darker, and lighter with each passing year.
9 comments:
pThank you for your beautiful thoughts -
mrs. j - that was so beautiful!
Dear Mrs. J,
I'm a random visitor. I came across your blog when I was doing some research on the Salton Sea and global warming and was trying to find a site I thought was called morewater.com. I think that finding your blog instead was a sign from God. I have been absolutely amazed by your resolve as a Christian wife and mother. I made the mistake of following my husband into his religion, but want you to know that your words have affected me so deeply that at 29 I'm finally making the long journey home to Christ this Easter. I was terrified to write something as a complete stranger, but just had to let you know how deeply the grace with which you lead your life has affected me on this Good Friday. Your bond with your parents is so inspiring to me and I've been so impressed by their resolve to raise wonderful Christian children. Don't let your light dim Mrs. J, you are very special and may you continue to strive!
Sincerely,
Hilary
This is a beautiful and very well-written post, but even more beautiful, I think, because of what Hilary said. Her comment is SO encouraging, and exciting! And it reminds me to pray even more for those that will take that same journey home this Easter.
Thank you for your words, and your heart. :o)
Thanks, all.
Hilary, I am deeply humbled by your words and even more thankful that God is drawing you back to His Heart. It is definitely His work and not mine, in every respect. I am rejoicing for you this weekend. My email address is summerjerominatyahoodotcom.
I wanted you to also know that the efforts you are making to discuss the positive aspects of Christianity and try to show people the light you've seen all these years are not in vain. They might not listen the first day or even the second day but they will eventually come to your conclusions. I wish that I'd known someone like you ten years ago when I thought that somehow being different was cooler at a liberal university and met an Arab guy. While my husband is somewhat supportive of my feelings, it will be a hard road because he is Muslim, but I embrace this journey knowing that it's what I have to do. Please know that many women who are "converts" to Islam, Buddhism, Judaism, or another offshoot of Chistianity are probably looking at the time for something hip and cool. They have no clue that people like you are out there who are gifted, creative, and aware of how exciting Christianity can be. Thank you for reminding me. So much has come flooding back, the hymns like "You'll know we are Christian by our love, by our love, the days of camping and looking over the horizon at the solitary cross. Islam is like a tattoo that you find out later that want to remove and please note that the stereotypes are all true. Leaving was hard in the beginning because of the precious women you want to save from the unspeakable horror, but honestly, I now know that God will save them for me. Please continue to remind everyone of the excitement Christianity has brought you Mrs. J. Your example alone and the way you carry yourself can turn the tide.
Best regards,
Hilary
Dear Summer,
A word fitly spoken can change the course of history. Only the Lord knows how all things work as His Plan unfolds. This we do know, keep planting the seeds. Be ready in season and out to spread the marvelous Gospel of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
I will covenant with you to pray for Hilary.
Love, Miss Sherri
In Michigan the landscape is covered with a clean white snow.(IN March on Easter weekend!) I was thinking of the verse in Isaiah where it says, "Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow." I am in awe of a creator who can remove that unremovable stain of sin.
Summer, thank you for bringing up a child to know Him!
Hilary, I am praying for you.YOu will never be alone as God is by your side.
A senior citizen of the Kingdom.
jacki
Thank you Mrs. J ~ whoever you are! Your insight and conclusions are beautiful and inspiring. I too am a huge fan of Brent and I love his family dearly, dearly, dearly! I've read your words a few times and I cry every time as I send them to friends in need of encouragement.
Thank you senior citizen Jackie too. It snowed here in London and didn't see the connection as you did. Awesome!!! I'm sharing it with my pastor who wished us a Merry Christmas because of the snow. : )
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